my phone needs a breathalizer
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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