I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
