feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
