Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
