those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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