Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
