His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
