i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
