at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
