i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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