these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
