I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hippo gnu deer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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