Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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