well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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