I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
