sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
