I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hippo gnu deer
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
