Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
