With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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