Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My balls are so social today.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
