I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
