I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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