Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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