I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
