absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
