I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
