if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
