i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
