he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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