Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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