THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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