I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
