I hate your face
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
