So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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