You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize