my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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