i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
