my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
