drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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