Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
