guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love you. Go after that dick
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
