drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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