WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
