Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
