im about as happy as oj after his trial
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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