one might say we're banned from that church
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
