Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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