i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
