eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
