why didn't you poke me back
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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