Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
