You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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