Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
