"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
