Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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