Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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