1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
