i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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