we have pet lesbian snakes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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