you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
