My room smells like vodka and shame
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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