The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
