Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
