So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
